SUCCESS & RESILIENCE
Success…
How do you define success?
All of a sudden you have been thrust into this whole new world of brain injury…
And you wonder a lot…
At first everyone says you should be happy to be having breakfast…
but this delight soon fades.
Then it is to return to work…
as if all everybody wanted to do was work.
The funding sources rule the roost here. They dictate how and when you get money… if you are fortunate enough to have this to cover your accident.
So many do not.
In Ontario you are reliant on OHIP, or private insurance from workplaces, or, if you were a student, in all likelihood on parents and other family or friends for support.
"SUCCESS IS A STATE OF MIND THAT WE HAVE USED ALL OF OUR TALENTS TO THE BEST OF OUR ABILITIES"
What outcomes are reasonable to expect after a brain injury?
Your answer to this question will affect your response to the first question, ‘What is success?’.
What if we step back a moment from all the talk?
Why don’t we relax and be more at ease than what our society promotes?
Success is a state of mind that we have used all of our talents to the best of our abilities.
This is where inner satisfaction comes from.
Much has been written on this topic, but little consideration has been given to an out of this world experience that affects all our choices. So many do not.
"WE HAVE FACED DEATH IN THE EYE AND STARED HIM DOWN"
Paradigm Shift & Re-prioritizing
We need to do a paradigm shift and get away from the insurance mindset that life is all about work, money and power.
We need some time and space to realign our priorities to match our skill sets as they now appear.
This is hard to do during conventional rehab. So this reprioritization must come after formal rehab is finished when some things are more settled. Hopefully you have a secure source of income as this is the key to doing some real soul searching.
I would encourage you to take it back to the basics: food, water, clothing, housing, and some people to talk to. In Ontario these things are possible with some paperwork: the social assistance programs here ,while not generous, ensure some income after a terrible accident.
Re-adjusting your priorities is key here to being content.
"YOU MUST RE-PRIORITIZE YOUR LIFE"
Planning & Getting in Good Shape
Adjusting your priorities in life for the new set of circumstances is a process that should be undertaken with care. Establish a 5 year plan coming off the goals and priorities you already set during rehab. These will have to be re-evaluated every year or so. If you are still In rehab ensure that you do some goal setting with your occupational therapist. At first these will need to be evaluated most months as you make rapid progress and you outstrip your goals.
Running is still on my list of priorities even though it has been some years since I have actually run now. The thing is I was very athletic – this old drive is still there. One day, many years after my accident, I ran about 20k – with this comes a tremendous feeling of freedom. Now, due to increased cognitive capacity, I can only walk about 100m without my balance being compromised… the mysteries of brain injury healing. I have had to modify that to be a longer term goal with physical fitness and cardio being brought more to the fore.
Get in good shape, whatever that is for you. Activity helps the brain and focuses your attention to something other than your all-encompassing world of brain injury. Get out of this thinking even if it is only for a half hour each day! Get out!
During my reorganization of priorities I saw that being busy, in and of itself, was not the ultimate goal in life. This is the goal of the therapy workers who want to get you back to work because that is the priority of those who pay them.
Success in any given day will be different for each survivor. For some it will be getting up and going to the gym and having a good workout. For others it may be cooking pancakes for breakfast. For others it may be filling out some government form – tax time is upon us. For others it may be calling friends and let them know we are thinking of them.
"SUCCESS IN ANY GIVEN DAY WILL BE DIFFERENT FOR EACH SURVIVOR"
Interaction with others is all important.
Now that you have had an accident others will probably not know how to react to you.
This is where you cannot retreat into yourself. One must instead become more outgoing.
Disinhibition is a problem for survivors. Then they become lost, and they must cultivate other relationships. This is why your local brain injury association is so important. It lets you get to meet others who have had some sort of similar experience.
Your active social life, though, will not be the one you had before the accident. And new relationships will not all be the same as the sort of survivor-professional relationships that you have probably become used to in rehab.
Find other people you can relate to… likely it will be at groups like brain injury support groups. This where you may find other people who are in a similar situation. These people will also have a need for others to talk with and have your company on occasion.
Srikumar Rao on ‘Unshakeable Resilience’
"DO WHAT YOU CAN, WHEN YOU CAN DO IT"
Being Busy
At first being busy is the thing to do – everyone encourages it.
Busyness at this early stage of rehabilitation is key to your improvement; give yourself all the chances you can to improve at someone else’s expense. Take advantage of these opportunities. I did not for a couple of smaller things, though I do not regret forgoing these opportunities. Meanwhile I forged ahead, making my own goals for rehab and meeting those set out for me in order to proceed to the next step of my own goal of returning to work.
Busyness at first should be a goal. I am of the theory that says ‘do what you can when you can do it’. This should be the prime focus during rehabilitation. Busyness should not be seen as the long-term goal though – it is a by-product of the process you need to go through.
"SEE WHERE THE PATH TAKES YOU. YOU ARE ON THE BIGGEST ADVENTURE OF YOUR LIFE."
Mental Discipline
As a survivor we do not have to be busy… we are almost other worldly.
But be careful what you put in your head. This thought is not so much about mysticism as it is about letting your mind wander in a concrete world. Physics is king here, with discipline a queen. The court jester is in the mix, but keep things sensible. All to say, think about physical things: they have a purpose and a method of manufacture. Make it a hobby to find out all you can about something or the way it is made. This is the start of abstract thinking. This is how to regenerate those neurons.
"SEE WHERE THE PATH TAKES YOU. YOU ARE ON THE BIGGEST ADVENTURE OF YOUR LIFE."
Power, Success & Expectations
We started off by asking what power has to do with success. Power is what you get when you succeed at the tasks you have given yourself to do. So then be good at doing even the smaller things. These small things will turn to bigger things in time: be steady and consistent in all your activities of daily living. These small constructive tasks that you give yourself to do are of the utmost importance. Do something constructive each day and it will give you a simple feeling of accomplishment.
Normal rules of life do not apply anymore to us so don’t let society and its expectations of you govern your choices.
